You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
