Don't make out with my wife yet
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
