Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
