Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I think I died a long time ago.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
