take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
