Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
