You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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