I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
