I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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