i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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