I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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