Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
