i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
