Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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