wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
