I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
