you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
