Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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