remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
