How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Randomize
