it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
