so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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