I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
