I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
