You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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