Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
