community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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