It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
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