you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
