Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
