I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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