WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
