3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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