For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
