I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
