I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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