Whatcha textin bout Willis?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
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