i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
