Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
