I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
nutella sex= disaster
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
