I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
