I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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