I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
