I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Randomize
