She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
