hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
