I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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