My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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