Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
