i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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