Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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