11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
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