Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
