she was so not down for the gang bang
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
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